THINGS WE'VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD
1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
5. Poisoned food always tastes better.
6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' / joining acult / sleeping with rich men.
7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
9. With a pastor ... all things are possible.
10. A movie can be titled anything... such as:
*The boy is mine,
* Face me, I face you
11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not-'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.
12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best placeyou take her to is...*Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex whilefeeding each other.*The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry herplayfully.*Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
13. An Igbo movie has been made if:
* You visit a Dibia (Babalawo)
* A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.
* Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult
14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same!
15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie andother times, once you read the title and see the poster you know itall!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it justnarrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense andintrigue!)
16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two ofthe following actresses-* Stella Damascus*
17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts inreal life.
18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even inlonger flashbacks.
19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your headwill be bandaged! Same for your legs!
21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... peopleare deaf?
22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford-abeautiful house, very good furniture, T.V., nice clothes, but you won'tbe able to send your kids to school.
23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficientand comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitorsand never mind his business.
24. the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than thepolice- LOL!!!!
25. At the end of a three hour movie you'll be reminded that THIS ISJUST THE BEGINNING...WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!
26. An actor must also sweat profusely when crying.
27. An actor announces his death as he slowly dies- “You killed me” “I’m dying” “I’m dead”
28. In a case where a person is on his death bed, he/she must cough till they die.
29. Every ghost must wear a white cloth and have powdered unevenly distributed on their face.
30. No matter the type of movie...TO GOD BE THE GLORY